Welcome to Daytopia University
by Cassi-theavatarwizard
Summary: A place where students are trained to be hooded figures called silencer's for places like Nightvale
1. Chapter 1: Pilot

Welcome to Daytopia 

Season 1

Ep. 1 – Pilot

1st Announcer – Zekelynn

ZEKELYNN:

Welcome Daytopia University... Welcome.

[INSERT SOUND EFFECT]

2nd Announcer: Borjeesh

ZEKELYNN:

In news today, Public Safety was called out to the Cecil and The Tower dormitories. Nobody knows why they were called, we suspect our rivals, the Riverwide Crazies, have something to do with it. Will this ruin our chances at the telekinesis ball game next week since all of our telekinesis ball team members live in the two dorms? How do I explain telekinesis ball? (hmm) It is a sport in where you CANNOT touch the ball; in the case that players do end up touching the ball they disappear in a puff of smoke only to reappear on top of the reeducation building, the big black box, located near the Electric Cage of Joy between THE Library and Sneld hall. Back on the field onlookers SHOULD NOT notice that all the players that touch the ball are being replaced by Silencers, immediately ending the game when all players have been replaced by Silencers because WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW ABOUT SILENCERS.

In other news, Powell dormitory has opened today. Nobody is allowed in this dorm, but somehow they have opened it. It might have something to do with Silencers. (Sighs loudly) Those Silencers. Always up to something. Or maybe not. By the way (gets loud) DO NOT LOOK AT THE SILENCERS! These shadowy fig...I'm sorry listeners the professor is getting agitated at my mention of the silencers so I will stop now. He keeps staring at me though listeners, as though I was a walking blood bank.

Today is Vulture Pride day. Activities are all over campus. ALL... OVER... CAMPUS... Activities like run from the vultures marathon through the campus hole. Watch out for Vultures while participating these campus activities. They have a tendency to stare at prospective Freshmen, staring longingly into their vague eyes, watching them as though they are ready to pounce. We don't know what it is about them, but there is something different about them. We don't know for sure, but they have that look. Listeners, I cannot explain this. That pale, pale look. It's just so... pale. Blindingly pale.

There is a Vulture in the studio right now, staring at my fellow announcer. He is standing beside a Silencer. I cannot look at the Silencer, listeners. I can't look at the Vulture. In the course of the time in my position, this has never happened before, listeners. Might it have something to do with... or with... I honestly cannot say, listeners. Something is averting my eyes. Oh look a squirrel.

THE WHISPER:

Hungry. They are hungry.

ZEKELYNN:

Oh, by the way, DO NOT FEED THE SQUIRRELS! EVERYTIME YOU FEED THE SQUIRRELS THEY GET BIGGER... AND BIGGER... AND BIGGER! Be careful when you walk to the cafeteria, Queasie. Or your classes. Which may not exist. Since professors are rumored to not exist.

And now scheduling with my fellow announcer. I do not know his name. I may never know his name. He may not even exist. I have never ever heard his voice. Rumor has it that his name might be... I don't know.

THE WHISPER:

Borjeesh.

ZEKELYNN:

I can't recall what his name was rumored to be; I suspect Public Safety might be infiltrating my memories.

BORJEESH:  
Thank you other announcer whom I may have never met. Is your name …. I don't know either.

THE WHISPER:

Zekelynn

BORJEESH:

Right to scheduling; Monday has been cancelled because nobody has attended classes. Tuesday has been cancelled because it is the new Monday. Wednesday has been cancelled because of the concert. Dress rehearsal is never. Thursday is not cancelled. But nobody does anything on Thursday anyway. Friday has been cancelled because of Rebecca Black. Curse you Rebecca Black. Curse you and your offspring. Saturday has been cancelled because the Administration believes we need more schooling. Administration is very mysterious. Nobody knows who they are. Nobody has even seen them. Do they exist? Are they shadowy figures? The college may never know. The more you know. The more you may not know. Sunday has been cancelled because of too much sun.

We'll be right back after these trumpet lessons...

[INSERT TRUMPET SOUND HERE. 20 SECONDS]

ZEKELYNN:

Thank you, Trumpeter. I just received a news item from a reporter writing for the Watergate Scandal, our campus newspaper. Written on toilet paper. Books are eating people. Books are bad. Very, very, bad. Do not pick up a book. Good thing THE library only consists of documentaries on THE library. I picked up one once. A five hour long movie. Which broke my TV and DVD player. Which I may not have needed anyway, considering that Administration has banned all TVs. Due to the incident two years ago. I repeat, BOOKS ARE BAD.

THE WHISPER:

Kaboom (knowing laugh)

ZEKELYNN (Speaks during laugh):

Today outdoors is beautiful. Although, nobody went outside to enjoy the weather, furthering my claim that something is off with our new freshmen. I do not know, considering Administration also banned mirrors from the dormitories. Mirrors are only allowed in THE library bathroom, where nobody ever goes anyway. Those poor girls. Especially Freshmen girls. Who apply blood red nail polish to their wrists regularly.

A reminder for those involved in student organizations, and those wishing to join student organizations. Make sure to have your blood type available, for it will be needed to sign up.

And now, the weather.

[WEATHER PLAYS: Record a terrible band practice (3 mins)]

BORJEESH:

I just received a correction from our student body President. You may be wondering who he is. He is adorable. Winchester is a male, I think. Not sure. He might be female. He does have that sort of look about him. But of course I just saw him from a distance. His eyes were pure blue. Or maybe they aren't there. I don't know. (sighs adoringly)

Oh yes. That correction. We have received information from President Winchester that Powell is not safe to move in. Winchester did not explain why. I prodded him for more information, but he kept looking at the wall and whispered, "Prunes." Winchester then placed his hand on my hand and squeezed it, as though to warn me to not move into Powell. Pictures of the building were taken earlier, but then confiscated later by the Silencers. Who knows why the Silencers needed the photos? Are they creating a photo album of our lives, as though to take over our lives and consume our souls? We may never know.

THE WHISPER:

I know... (laughs)

BORJEESH: (speaks while the whisper laughs)

The Professor is now staring at me and I can hear the slow crushing sound of his desk in his tight white knuckled grip.

ZEKELYNN:

I live in Homestuck, which echoes the faint screams of former Freshmen, who never finish their finals. It is suspected the Professors sacrificed them in the hooding ceremony held at Grunweldt Cemetery, where the Powell dormitory is now built. I wish them luck.

[ZEKELYNN AND BORJEESH IN UNISON]

Good night, Daytopia! (The Whisper repeats at end)

END


	2. Chapter 2: The Beating Heart

Welcome to Daytopia

Season 1

Ep. 2 – Beating Heart

Characters:

Zekelynn  
Borjeesh

The Whispering Voice

Choir Director

ZEKELYNN:

A sound comes through the night. It whispers in your ear. It gets louder and louder, echoing in your ears, until all you hear is one thing…

ZEKELYNN AND BORJEESH:

Welcome Daytopia University…. Welcome.

[INSERT SOUND EFFECT]

ZEKELYNN:

Good morning students. It's that time of the year again. Time for students to vote for the new members of the executive team. Student body President Winchester is looking to fill the following positions for senate: vice-president, gatekeeper, secretary, gorilla, and viper. More information can be found in the new edition of the Watergate Scandal, located in bath stalls near you.

Fellow students, it has been reported to me a funny noise has been reported in the Not-the-Science Building. Students, who are not allowed in the Not-the-Science Building, are reporting hearing a loud, repetitive, blood curdling beat, happening every five seconds. Every… five… seconds. I hope they find out what this noise is, though it helps me sleep in my dorm cell rather soundly.

A report came from us from an unlikely source that Professor Langley, will be cancelling his morning classes due to failed attempts to remove his left ear. What does he teach? Do professors even have last names? This unlikely source reported the classes will resume once he sacrifices a baby toad in the lake which has no water. Who is this unlikely source? And why is this source unlikely? Listeners, I can not answer my own questions.

A strange visitor came on campus today. The visitor, who we are not sure is even human, seems to have come out of the new Powell dormitory into Queasie, where he ate a cheese sandwich and the plate. He walked out of Queasie and vomited out what looked like green snot onto the steps leading to Claire Hall. When Public Safety came to arrest this visitor, the strange visitor let out a large burp, which blinded the officers. As you recall, Administration banned students from vomiting only last year. Who is this strange visitor and where did he go, but most importantly who...is...he?

THE WHISPERING VOICE:

Brother…

ZEKELYNN:

It seems the other announcer is late today, students. He must be in class. I have not yet met him, though we attend the same Film class. In class, we watched a movie borrowed from THE Library, about THE Library. It was a remarkable movie. I laughed. I cried. I almost vomited, but I didn't want to get suspended. He should be here soon.

A reminder that if you checked something out of the library, which is not to be spoken of, you will be charged a half pint of your blood. And if the Librarians are unable to take your blood, you will be expelled.

Listeners, I hear the door to the studio open. I can't see who it is.

_Talks away from microphone_ Who is it?

THE WHISPERING VOICE:

Borjeesh.

BORJEESH:

I apologize, students, for being late. Unfortunately, I did not get the other announcer's contact information. I have a new finding about the source of the odd sound emanating from the Not-The-Science Building. The noise has started to get louder. Much louder. Reports of students vibrating has been filed at the Unwellness Center. Which brings me to the Unwellness Center Mandatory Tip of the Week.

Students, are you feeling funny? Does a laugh come out of your mouth every five seconds? Do you feel a strange sensation coming from your stomach, indicating that you are empty? Are you shaking uncontrollably at the sound of funny noises? If you are, stop please! This is annoying. We are tired of your complaints, and we are not going to do anything about it.

The Unwellness Center nurses definitely care about the health of our students. As you well know, if we participate in ALL… CAMPUS… EVENTS, there should be no reason to be sick, and no reason to prescribe you unneeded medication. Reminder that not attending campus events is detrimental to your health.

I see on the calendar that Vulture Rites is coming up in only two days. This means that all our student organizations will be sitting in lawn chairs next to splintery tables, looking for interested individuals to join their organizations. One of those wonderful organizations happens to be yours truly, The radio station, located in The Living Center. We need an intern for this semester. Freshmen sign up, or else. You may lose a limb. Reminder that all students must participate in at least one campus organization, whether you are anemic or not.

It looks like we have a guest today, students. It is the choir director, who, unfortunately lost his voice last summer due to neglecting to report student grades to the Records Office, located in Crowley Hall. He has been the choir director for almost ten years, and has written many original pieces, such as _Let the Students Graduate_, _Get Behind Me Silencers_, and my particular favorite, _Professors are the Walking Dead_. Originally, it was entitled, _Professors are not real, you idiot._ However, Administration threatened to amputate his left arm if he did not change the title. Thank you, Choir Director, for taking the time to come and chat with us.

CHOIR DIRECTOR (speaks in raspy voice):

Concert. Friday in the Square for the Arts. Sinatra, Dean Martin, and my original piece, _Professors are not real, you idiot._

BORJEESH:

Thank you, Choir Director. I see that Administration is knocking rather sharply on the studio door, holding a butter knife. Did we bring muffins?

CHOIR DIRECTOR:

Must go. Bye. Exit door?

BORJEESH:

I'm sorry, Choir Director. It's just the studio door. Can't wait to listen to the students, singing their hearts out. Of course, the last time they sang their hearts out, they had to go to the Unwellness Center to put their hearts back in their chests.

And it looks like the director has left. And now, we will take a short break while you listen to the sounds of a man having his arm amputated with a butter knife.

[10 seconds of a raspy voice screaming]

BORJEESH:

Students, this is absolutely terrible! Public Safety just came by and issued me a slip of paper, which reads, and I repeat, "All choir classes have been cancelled due to an unfortunate loss of a professor. Please report to Public Safety to get your memories erased that this professor ever existed. If you do not report to the Public Safety office, we will be forced to knock your door down, strap you to a chair, and make you watch a five hour marathon of failed NBC television shows in the basement of THE Library.

And now, the lunch and dinner menu from…

THE WHISPERING VOICE:

Zekelynn

ZEKELYNN:

For lunch today, Queasy will be serving macaroni and cheese with a dash of paprika and sedative. This will be served with a three inch breadstick, and for dessert, pumpkin pie with a "special ingredient" from Chef Mortimer.

For dinner today, Queasy will be serving the same thing, but instead of the sedative they put in the macaroni and cheese, it will be a 100 milligram laxative for flavor. Stay regular, students!

Well students, it does seem that we do have our other announcer with us. I still do not know his identity, but I am hearing this strange buzzing sound, which has lasted for a good five minutes, since I noticed the door to the studio opening.

Students, an important announcement from Coach Dunn about the football game coming up this weekend. Coach Dunn says, "The football game is still underway. As per a request by Administration, we will not be using a regular football, but a basketball, due to the fact that Administration banned any balls that were not of a spherical shape. Also, as per request by Public Safety, we will be having a short service of the Choir Director preceding the game. We will be throwing cigarette ash at the spectators in remembrance of the Choir Director."

I also have another announcement, students. Public Safety has found what it is that is causing the regular beating noise coming from the Not-the-Science Building. Students, I cannot properly explain what the noise is without wanting to take a look at it, record the noise on my phone and turn it into a two hour song I can fall asleep to. Turns out, it was the heart of a choir student. An expelled student, mind you, when the nurses at the Unwellness Center expelled him for not catching his heart in a timely fashion. It had grown legs, students, and wandered into the Not-the-Science Building, where I am not supposed to tell you that the scientists were using it for experimental reasons.

Students, unfortunately I am going to have to end our radio show earlier than normal. It seems that I have an appointment with Public Safety. Can't be late for that!

And now, the weather.

[WEATHER PLAYS: song]

BORJEESH:

Students, I have a word of advice for you. Something for you to ponder as you walk to your next scheduled class which may not exist. When life hands you laxatives, head to the bathroom and stay there. Stay there for as long as you need. Stay there until you become regular. Good night, Daytopia!

THE WHISPERING VOICE:

Good night, Daytopia!


End file.
